Examining Familial Attachments.... An Experience

It is important to make a personal inventory of the familial attachments that we have...

Examining the nature of the attachment, allows us the opportunity to work backwards to locate the root cause of the problem(s) that negatively affect our ability to fully heal from the trauma that we may have experienced.  For example, if a negative attachment is discovered, the intervention focus can expose the actions, feelings, and experiences that has led to the determination of that negative attachment. This can provide us with the opportunity to view the relationship objectively, and heal fully from them. 

• This provides a realistic or accurate view of the relationship 
• May decrease the impulse to inadvertently or unknowingly project residual anger and blame by bringing one to a place of greater clarity and awareness of situations that create a negative environment. 
• Provides an opportunity to have an honest assessment of the experiences 
• After the attachment has been determined, there can be a chronological timeline of the relationship; which may lead to the need to rehabilitate or completely sever ties.

The example that I use for this is my own experience with my familial attachments. From what I can remember experiencing, I was not able to grow up with positive familial attachments. By looking at these relationships objectively, and examining the positive vs negative influence they have on my life, I have been able to see that most of the input from them has been negative or maladaptive, and all of the accomplishments I have made have been on my own, without their help, approval or encouragement.

• If looking at this logically, I can say that the institution of family has had no positive influence on my livelihood or “success” (other than offering negative demonstrations of what I don't deserve to receive), so there is no functional reason to continue to feed into something that doesn’t benefit my well-being.
• I, now, know and have the tools to assess whether or not I had a good or bad childhood, and the best way to reconcile with that and heal. 
• This was a solitary process done away from the negative dynamic and supported by a mental health professional who provided genuine and positive support. 
• If you have to heal from another person, I don’t think you should feel need to continue to subject yourself to them, family and friends included.
• In the Black community, there was an emphasis on familial attachments, or the strength of the family as a unit, but the changing landscape of the community and our society implies that we should begin to acknowledge that everyones experiences are different and not everyones familial attachments are positive; and, also, won’t all be negative. 
• To repair these bonds there needs to be some form of familial restorative justice and transformation of the relationship dynamic which can’t happen without accountability. 

If you become aware that your growth is stifled by the people around you, it is important that you examine that relationship to determine if it is worth you further risking your livelihood, well-being, and subsequent quality of life. 

I hope this resonates and supports a greater awareness of your own needs,

Yogabrofessor